As usual she was late today. I didn’t expect her to do this at least today. It’s already 6.30 p.m. I realized that there’s no point of expecting a bit of punctuality from this woman who even came late during her marriage registry. Sometimes I feel like writing a book on the several occasions where she was late. Anyways, now if I start writing book on this topic, I will never finish it writing even after my death. I was thinking all these irrelevant things when I saw lean slim woman wearing grey sari briskly coming towards me. I knew what Rumella would say. She would give her million dollar smile and say that she is very sorry to be late and then blab bla bla…………..
“I’m really sorry Nish, actually you know what happened, and I was crossing the road and then……………..”
I listened silently with a smile on my face and gradually went inside the court room. Inside the room a stout lady was sitted in her black robe. Everybody knows that we have not come for any criminal case. But still seeing the high ceilings, the peculiar sound of the D.C. fan and a strange smell of the fat law books made me very uncomfortable. Though the room was a large one almost twice as big as mine at my house but still I was feeling suffocated. I just wanted to finish the formalities quickly and come out of it to breathe fresh air. I think any normal human being will be a little bit uncomfortable in this situation like I was.
“So tell me what the problem is” the stout lawyer enquired.
As usual before I could open my mouth Rumella spoke.
“Actually, see ummmm …………….I want a DIVORCE”
“Me too” I added to Rumella
“Listen fellas, DIVORCE is not like potatoes or pumpkins sold in a market. It’s an end to a beautiful relationship which was eternal in our father and mother’s age but has become similar to changing under wear nowadays. Still you have to follow certain rules and accordingly sign some papers.” After a long pause the lady added “Do you really want a divorce? We can also solve matters by counseling or discussing within ourselves.”
I was happy to see that this stout lawyer also had a heart. But anyways we have decided.
“No madam, we have tried everything, we just want a D-I-V-O-R-C-E” sternly said Rumella.
“Ok, ok cool down,” She appeared a little disturbed. Actually though she was a professional lawyer but still she had a heart hence gave a last try to save a breaking relation. But my dear lawyer does not know that once a crack appears in a relation it can never be restored. We both know that there is no crack but a long gap which cannot be decreased. We used to be proud of each other. We were the happiest couple in town for the last four years of our marriage. People thought that we could maintain each other’s space very well. Many people were jealous of that. But we couldn’t realize that gradually the space becoming predominant. It’s very difficult to measure how much space we should give each other in a relation so that we do not feel dominated by the other person though we remain attached to each other in love.
We both signed the DIVORCE papers. For the first time, in the last six months, when we decided the separation, I was just whispering to myself that can’t I give her a second chance or better can’t I try once again to develop our relationship. But, before I could really say Rumella has already finished her signature and was offering me the pen to sign. I recollected the way she used to show me the hot spoons when I irritated her in the kitchen. But finally the time has come. Now I had to sign. I was signing and realizing that it’s so hard to start a relation from the beginning but it’s so easy to end it.
Even after completing all the formalities I believed strongly in my heart that (though people believe that a relation starts with a signature and ends with the same) I took Rumella as my wife when I proposed her quite before w e signed marriage certificates and no signature in paper can end it. It will take time to forget her. Actually I had developed a habit of her. And man requires quite a long time to change a habit.
Now comes the big blow for Rumella.
“Listen fellas, since you have completed the documentation, it’s apparent that you have filed the case for divorce. And according to the law you both have to stay together for one year till the hearing date is finalized. Then on the hearing date you both have to appear before the court. It’s up to you people that whether you want to go through the detailed legal procedure or solve matters mutually. I mean the financial settlements.”
“Oh! Yes, I mean I don’t want any money from him, I only want a separation”
There was so much hatred in her voice. I remembered the first time she said I love you. It was like the sweetest melody I was hearing and now. Anyways, why am I thinking all these. Everything was finished the day I told her that I regretted that she was my wife. I never saw her so weak and helpless in my whole life. She did not even complain neither did she want any explanation. I was stunned when she uttered the four words,
“Thank You for Everything”
It was so straight and simple but yet so sharp. It was so sharp that it pains still now after 6 months. At first Rumella was not willing to stay together but then the lawyer convinced her. We agreed to all terms and condition. Rumella left for her friend’s house to bring her belongings. She had been staying there for last six months. I returned to my 15, Palm Avenue, Apartment.
Initially I thought that I would try to start everything from beginning but now I realize that it’s of no use. If living at a distance can save our friendship then why lose a friend after losing my soul mate.
I don’t know why I was depressed. It was a mutual decision of taking a divorce. But still ………………I think it’s due to the hardships we shared together, the little enjoyment we had when she burnt the chapattis while cooking for the first time and why forget the first monsoon after our marriage. Rumella loves the rain. She got drenched in the rain and when entered the room she was looking like an angel. Some drops of water slowly and gently falling on her shoulders and some glistening on her eyes and lips. She was shivering in cold, but still with a naughty smile emphasizing her dimples. Her wet sari hugged her tight making her curves prominent. These things are very minute but add to our sweet memories that are to be cherished.
Anyways, life goes on, it does not wait for anybody. When people die we mourn for few days and then again life follows its natural course. It is the same for relationships also. I was thinking too much, but didn’t know what’s going on in Rumella’s mind. She might be very happy to get rid of a moron like me. She was very dynamic and diplomatic I must say. Though she had a tendency to be late but always had an explanation ready.
Since both of us worked so she decided to shift on a Sunday. We decided to have the breakfast together.
I woke up early in the morning and finished all the house hold works. Normally I didn’t do so but that time was different.
Its natural male instinct to prove them that they can live better in their absence, but unfortunately every time men fail to do so. Actually I believe both are complementary to each other.
Anyways I decided to prepare her favourite dish Alu ka paratha with curd and pineapple juice. I was expecting her around 11.30 a.m. because she usually gets up late on Sundays. Rumella reached home at sharp 11.15 a.m. I smiled to myself,
“I know you so much babes”
She walked around inside my apartment which was once ours and commented,
“You usually do not stayed so clean and tidy”
I did not understand why women always look for cleanliness. Did God give them the copyright of keeping the whole world clean? And just imagine, we met almost 6 months after and the first thing she notices is that the CLEANLINESS. These few over perfectionism irritated me a lot. Anyways, I offered her some juice. She exclaimed, “My God, juice in right glass. You remember initially you used to give me juice in steel glass or a cup perhaps. Tell me Nish any women in your life”
I smiled and ignored. I hated her for making a crap of my name Nilesh Sinha to NISH. Who gave her the right to devastate my name given by my grandmother? Anyways, I went to the kitchen and served the breakfast for two of us. She was happy to see the Alu paratha and curd. Since I am a doctor, I generally cook food with less oil and spices. And Rumella being health conscious loved every bite of the food.
“Nish which is my room”
I wanted to make her feel comfortable so I had already arranged the room which we used to share once. I showed her the master bed room. She seemed quite pleased with her room. I had an appointment with a friend so gave her a duplicate key and left at around 5.30 p. m. in the evening. Everything seemed so simple. She had been never so cooperative before. She was very nice to me. It will be better to say that she was very polite and understanding. By saying this I don’t mean that she was trying to save our relation. Rather there was so much formality suddenly that it was difficult to breathe. I could also sense that she was doing all these just to spend the 1 year some how and get rid of me. One day she suddenly became serious and asked me,
“What are your plans Nish?”
“Well I think I am quite satisfied with my private practice and wished to continue with it”
“No no I am asking about your personal life”
“Nothing till know, moreover is one experience enough?” I gave her a sarcastic smile and she did not appear much pleased.
“Opinion differs. Well I am seeing someone.”
At that moment only I realized that simply to give me this information she started the discussion. With another sarcastic smile I said,
“Oh! Who is the lucky man?” I thought who is again signing his 4 years bond.
“He is a Designer, Rangit Chawla. Has his own Ad Agency. We met in a conference”
“Congrats!!!!!!!”
It takes so little time to simply brush a relation and that too which was built from college. From beginning only I knew that a woman like Rumella is very careerist. Well it will be a lie if I say that I don’t like ambitious and working ladies. With due respect to them I must say that I am a little uncomfortable with over ambitious ladies who almost forgets giving importance to any dam thing other than her career. This might be due to the fact that I get satisfied with very little things and Rumella gets never satisfied. I simply used to laugh at people who used to say that they had nothing common with their partner. I did not understand that this ‘having a common thing’ is so important in life. And perhaps due my understanding I failed to retain my relation with Rubella.
Being a doctor I always believed in scientific explanation of every success or failure. I believed in taking risks to save a life. Unlike me, Rubella believes in her work for every success or failure and will take any risk to achieve her success. She never says no to any work in her field and believes she can do anything if she gets proper money. In one word Rubella very well understands the language of money. And in that aspect I am illiterate to her.
Next day I was leaving for my clinic, suddenly she rushed towards me and said the she had some cocktail party at office so she would late. I simply responded as if I had got her information and thus shall not wait. She had a duplicate key so there will be no problem. When I reached my clinic, I saw a huge crowd. I thought that I might have been late but my watch denied as it was sharp 8.30 a.m. I hurriedly called my assistance plus nurse, Catherine to bring the patients list and send the patients one by one. My life had become a small cyclic event. Home to clinic and again clinic to home. Always thinking of patients and their diseases. Besides the court case, everything at that moment appeared to be against my body, my soul and my mind. After a long thought process during lunch I realized that I had to take break, a long holiday perhaps. And suddenly something struck me. Since Rumella would be at house so I could easily go anywhere leaving the house. I thought once it has come into my head, I must do it as soon as possible.
It was 7.30 p.m. No one was waiting for me at home, so there was no hurry returning. I called Catherine, and started discussing with her. Catherine’s brother was a tour programmer so I wanted to take some idea from her.
She suggested me to visit Kurseong a subtle and serene hill station in West Bengal which is 57 kms from New Jalpaiguri railway station. Hearing the name only I thought of running way there. And thus planned to go there next week as soon as the tickets and hotel bookings are confirmed. I gave the whole responsibility to Catherine and her brother.
All were set. I was going to leave on Friday. Catherine planned a 5 days tour. I was excited and happy after long time.
Monday morning was started with a fresh mood since I was going for a vacation on Sunday. Rumella was about to sit on the breakfast table (we did the breakfast together everyday); suddenly she sat down with her hands on her temples. I rushed to her. Firstly my crooked mind suspected that she was pregnant and it must have been the contribution of Mr. Chawla. A sudden hatred ran through my blood. But above all I was a doctor and she was a patient. I checked her but was very happy to prove myself wrong. But on the second instance I realized she was unconscious.
I had already informed Catherine to reach my clinic and arrange the oxygen masks. We reached their within 15 mins. After the oxygen was given to her she recovered. I asked her whether she had gone through these kind of strokes before in the last 6 months.
“I don’t remember exactly but once after a conference I felt like this and they took me too a doctor and I was informed that I was suffering from some kind of stress.”
“What the hell!!!! Did I die? Why didn’t you inform me? I am still a good doctor dammed and your HUSBAND till the legal formalities are over. Is that clear!!!!”
I couldn’t realize what I was telling her, or tried to explain her. She stared at me amazed. When I have finished with my lectures, she gave a typical Rumella smile once again emphasizing her dimples.
“What happened to me? Or better what am I suffering from doc?”
“Listen I cannot confirm right now. But I have to send your blood for tests and a few scans are to performed. That’s it, and then I’ll tell you. Happy”
“Ok.”
Some strange ideas were coming to my mind. I did not have the guts to accept those ideas rather did not want to accept. I left the room and sat in my own resting room in my clinic. I had asked Catherine to cancel my trip. I couldn’t leave my wife like this alone. I meant my patient. I couldn’t believe that I was cheating myself for the first time. Finally my heart made me understand that still somewhere I had some soft feelings left for her so I couldn’t leave MY WIFE alone at this condition when she required the most.
Next morning we returned to our apartment. I sent her blood for few tests. At around evening I received the reports. I knew sometimes the reports are not perfect so I waited for the scan results.
I was convinced but I thought that it’s true, that even an expert a surgeon wouldn’t be confident to operate his own family member. Similarly I wanted to refer some other specialist. Only one name flashed in my mind, “Dr. ANURAG SENGUPTA”. He was my class mate but later went to America to research on Leukemia and I was left here has a general physician. Anyways I had to contact him. I enquired in Chittaranjan Hospital and got his contact number.
“Hello……….Dr.Anurag Basu, This is Dr. Nilesh Sinha. Remember me “
“Oye Nilesh, why these formalities. Call me Anurag. I heard that you have excelled in general medicine. Great job man. Anyways tell me why this sudden pleasant surprise?”
I hesitated, but then opened my mouth, “Actually …….I better talk straight to you.”
“Nilesh you hear a bit disturbed, let’s meet somewhere”
“Thanx, Anurag. Can we meet today?”
“Today………….ummm ok. Meet me at Basanta Cabin, College Street. Let’s recollect some old memories, at 5.30p.m.”
“Done. Anurag thanx a lot to give me time from your busy schedule.”
“No thanx and sorry in friendship”.
I was indeed relieved to have fixed the appointment with him.
I took all the reports and asked Catherine to take care of Rumella. I left for the final decision. Anurag has put on a lot of wait but the characteristic beard. We had the famous fish kabiraji there and then discussed a lot. At last Anurag retrieved that the all the reports revealed that Rumella was suffering from Leukemia. Hearing this I could not hear anything else. And Anurag realized this change in me and enquired,
“Nilesh who is this patient?”
I could not help the tears coming to my eyes still I had to stop it from falling,
“She is …….she is …..Ummm my wife”
“What?” exclaimed Anurag “See the first thing we have to do give her the proper medicines to lessen her pain then gradually we have to plan the treatment. Most important thing is that we have to induce blood transfusion twice in a month. But above all she requires lot of care and love.”
Everything was happening so fast that I could not realize anything. I simply asked one thing after a long silence,
“How much time she has?”
Anurag gave me a blank look and said, “Maximum 1 year”
I just couldn’t believe my ears. I thought what an irony of life. After one year we were supposed to sign the divorce papers but who knew that she couldn’t even wait one year.
I returned to my apartment. I was surprised to see Rumella screaming at Catherine.
“Hey, hey what happened? Why the hell are you screaming so much?”
“Catherine is not letting me go to my office”
I asked Catherine to leave because she was supposed to take care of Rumella when I am not at home. Catherine is a very good nurse and she had done her job perfectly.
“Rumella I will suggest you to take a leave from your office for sometime…….say 2 weeks”
“2 weeks are you out of your mind. They will fire me. I have loads of work to complete. And what sick? What has happened to me?”
How could I tell her the truth? People often waste their times on things which are less important to them than those on which they need to concentrate. Like Rumella, she is worried about her job, her carrier. But she does not even realize that she has very little time even to bid good bye to all friends. Anyways, when we entered this profession we were told that in majority of the cases if patients get to know about the severity of their health they may breakdown even more. It ‘s because if a patient fails to restore the idea “I WILL BE CURED SOON” then it becomes more difficult for the doctor to cure him / her. It’s the question of confidence and faith that a patient has on the doctor. I have lost almost every bit of faith, love and confidence which she had on me; but this time I didn’t want to lose this patient-doctor faith.
“Yeah, I can understand Rumella, but you have severe weakness. And being a doctor and a friend I can’t allow you to go to your office. I have internet connection you can log on to your office portal and carry on with your job.”
“But everything cannot be done through internet. O.k. Two weeks, that’s it, not more than that.”
I was glad that she listened to me. I knew after two weeks she would become so week that she herself would deny to go to office. I guessed that nothing could pass away faster than our honey moon period. But this WAITING PERIOD was faster. Every night when I bid Rumella good night, there was a terror that whether I would be able to say good morning. Two weeks passed away, she was becoming weaker and it was the time for her first blood transfusion. This time I had to tell her the truth else how could take her to the hospital. I called Dr. Anurag.
“Hello Anurag, It’s me Nilesh. Actually I was wandering how to convince her to go to the hospital.”
“Hmmmm…..So you haven’t told her.”
“No, I couldn’t I can’t”
“But , Nilesh you have to, else she wouldn’t come here for the transfusion and you will be responsible for her death.”
“Don’t say like that Anurag, It’s true that we are getting divorced but she is my wife still”
“WHAT!!!!! You people are getting divorced……..then why are you taking these responsibilities? Don’t be a hypocrite Nilesh. Do you really want a divorce?”
After along silence something slipped from my mouth, “SHE WANTS A DIVORCE”
“O.K. …………….Listen I’ll be waiting for you people at 11.00.a.m, is that fine?”
I hanged the phone and sat still for a while. I had to take so many decisions, but there’s no time. I went to her room. She was sleeping so calmly. The medicines had shown their reactions. She had lost weight, she had become pale. Almost merged with the pale bed sheet. There were dark circles below her eyes but the brownish curls were still there. I took two seconds to imagine Rumella after the first Chemotherapy. She would start losing her curls one by one. It would be so pathetic for me to see her getting closer to her death in every second. AFTER ALL SHE IS MY WIFE. Every time I thought about her pain and degradation, one thing rovered in my mind “AFTER ALL SHE IS MY WIFE”.
I was thinking all these standing at the corner of the room. Suddenly she groaned in pain. I ran towards her.
“What happened Rume? Is it paining? Where it is paining? Nothing will happen, you believe me na?”
Suddenly I saw two drops of pearl glistening in the corners of her eyes.
“Yeah Ni…………….”
For the first time I wanted to hear that transformed cropped name by which she called me.
“Why didn’t u tell me all this…….ha?”
“WHAT?” I was death scared of the next statement she was about to say.
“I told you before, Beware of these parallel connections. But you never listened to me. And now you see, I heard you when you were talking to Dr. Anurag.”
I was at her bed side. I burst into tears and hid my head in her lap.
“You were right Rume, I am simply a shit. If I cannot cure my wife what kind of doctor I am. I am a failure Rume, I big failure. You were always right that I am never a successful doctor neither a successful husband. Forgive me Rume forgive me.”
This happened so fast that she couldn’t react. She slowly moved her hands through my hair.
“Listen I also have confess something, I told you a crap about that Rangit Chawla so that you would give me a divorce quickly.”
“Why are you telling this to me, now?”
Both of us could feel a different thing which was lost. A real affection and need for each other. It’s not a sexual need, but a need of being together. But both were realizing that more the time we are taking to decide, lesser are the time remaining. Another Irony of life………When we couldn’t stay together, we thought as if the clock was not moving at all. And now, when we want to leave together……………we are short of time……….we are not able to keep pace with the clock.
I convinced her that from now on nothing will happen to her and I’ll take care of her. We went to the Hospital. Anurag was a reputed doctor so we did not have to wait. After the transfusion she was feeling better. But Anurag had warned me that this feeling better is transitory so I must not allow her to excite herself and get tired. I took her back home. We were happy. I gave the responsibility of the clinic to Catherine. And sometimes visited it. At this moment Rumella was my first priority. I lost her once but not this time. Like this way almost 7 months were over. Rumella had resigned due to her health ground. She had lost almost 20 kgs of her body weight. She had lost all her hair so I had bought her beautiful scarves to tie her head. She becomes very weak if she talks even for 10 mins at a stretch. But still we communicate with each other with our eyes, our hands and our fingers. Within 6 months we learnt the language of fingers.
It was the end of the 8th month; I was supposed to take her for the last Chemotherapy. Suddenly I heard a bang in the bathroom. I rushed towards it and was mentally prepared to face the worst. I saw Rumella lying on the floor. I quickly called up ambulance and rushed to the hospital. I had informed Anurag on the road so he had arranged everything beforehand. He said that Chemotherapy cannot be undertaken as she had some bruises. But she was sinking. I pleaded to proceed on with the Chemotherapy. He cleared from the beginning that it would be highly risky and I had to sign some papers.
Finally the Chemotherapy was over. She was feeling better , I thanked Anurag. But he said that,
“Do not thank me…………….she is almost breathing her last breath”
I stared at him once and then at Rumella. She knew about it. She was smiling at me. But I was scared, feeling suddenly abandoned and standing in front of a wall which neither can I climb nor break it down. I was helpless. I ran to her, sat on the floor beside her bed and kept on staring at her. I realized that this is the woman whom I love so much that I can give my life for her but I am in such a condition that my life won’t be able to give her a life. I felt so small that I was not able to do anything for her. I gazed and could not believe my heart that from tomorrow I will not be able to see these two eyes open, close, scream at me , complain me , laugh at me………………………….I was thinking all these and suddenly saw her two lips move. I took my ears as close as possible, the first thing she said was………………….
“Nish , see I don’t feel any pain. You cured me doc…” and tears rolled down her pale chick.
“I………..Rume”
“No you listen to me Nish……..I don’t want a divorce, do not give me divorce please”
“Divorce? What divorce? Do not ever utter that word again” I grabbed her. And cried like a baby.
“Don’t leave me Rume, I’ll do whatever you tell me, I’ll leave my clinic. I’ll do some business and bring a lot of money. You will never be ashamed of me Rume. But please don’t leave me alone. I’ll not be able to stay there alone………………………”
Suddenly I felt that the weak arms which were still holding me dropped. I felt as if somebody has left me in a quick sand and I am drowning slowly but steadily.
After two weeks two curiors came, one addressed to
TO
MR.NILESH SINHA
15, Palm Avenue
Kolkata – 700019
And other one
TO
MRS. RUMELLA SINHA (LAHIRY)
15, Palm Avenue
Kolkata – 700019
From the envelope only I understood that what it was. I didn’t bother to open it I simply burnt the two envelope. When the person is not alive then nothing matters. Only that matters is before Rumella left me she was satisfied with the fact that we have quitted the matter of divorce.
*******************************************************************************************
My fingers were exhausted including my head. It had 4 years. But it appears as if it happened yesterday. I have left my clinic. I have given it to Catherine. She runs it as a small dispensary. Even now when the bell rings, I expect Rumella to come running and again showering her complains. The complains, the lectures on cleanliness which I was tired once; now I miss every bit of it.
Anurag encouraged me of writing. I had been writing for 3 years. I have also published them which have brought me enough to lead a peaceful proper life. Now I am sitting here writing about my wife. A strong , independent, confident and more over highly corporate minded person. But still had a heart of a girl in complaining against everything. She was the girl who came in my life as a girl, transformed herself as a woman and finally left me alone forever.
I claimed of knowing her but the reality was she knew me more. She always said I must do something different, something creative from college but I never listened to her. It will be a lie if I say that I did not enjoy medicine but still I was not satisfied. But after I get to writing my whole soul was pleased. Not only in terms of money but it also gave me fame and appreciation which I never expected in medicine.
I don’t know about Rumella but as far as I am concerned I had some ego. I only regret that if and only if I could ignore this ego factor, then perhaps if I couldn’t stop Rumella from facing her early death but definitely the six months could have been better. And perhaps I wouldn’t have to face this waiting period to meet Rumella again to start everything from the beginning…………………..perhaps in our next life.
“I’m really sorry Nish, actually you know what happened, and I was crossing the road and then……………..”
I listened silently with a smile on my face and gradually went inside the court room. Inside the room a stout lady was sitted in her black robe. Everybody knows that we have not come for any criminal case. But still seeing the high ceilings, the peculiar sound of the D.C. fan and a strange smell of the fat law books made me very uncomfortable. Though the room was a large one almost twice as big as mine at my house but still I was feeling suffocated. I just wanted to finish the formalities quickly and come out of it to breathe fresh air. I think any normal human being will be a little bit uncomfortable in this situation like I was.
“So tell me what the problem is” the stout lawyer enquired.
As usual before I could open my mouth Rumella spoke.
“Actually, see ummmm …………….I want a DIVORCE”
“Me too” I added to Rumella
“Listen fellas, DIVORCE is not like potatoes or pumpkins sold in a market. It’s an end to a beautiful relationship which was eternal in our father and mother’s age but has become similar to changing under wear nowadays. Still you have to follow certain rules and accordingly sign some papers.” After a long pause the lady added “Do you really want a divorce? We can also solve matters by counseling or discussing within ourselves.”
I was happy to see that this stout lawyer also had a heart. But anyways we have decided.
“No madam, we have tried everything, we just want a D-I-V-O-R-C-E” sternly said Rumella.
“Ok, ok cool down,” She appeared a little disturbed. Actually though she was a professional lawyer but still she had a heart hence gave a last try to save a breaking relation. But my dear lawyer does not know that once a crack appears in a relation it can never be restored. We both know that there is no crack but a long gap which cannot be decreased. We used to be proud of each other. We were the happiest couple in town for the last four years of our marriage. People thought that we could maintain each other’s space very well. Many people were jealous of that. But we couldn’t realize that gradually the space becoming predominant. It’s very difficult to measure how much space we should give each other in a relation so that we do not feel dominated by the other person though we remain attached to each other in love.
We both signed the DIVORCE papers. For the first time, in the last six months, when we decided the separation, I was just whispering to myself that can’t I give her a second chance or better can’t I try once again to develop our relationship. But, before I could really say Rumella has already finished her signature and was offering me the pen to sign. I recollected the way she used to show me the hot spoons when I irritated her in the kitchen. But finally the time has come. Now I had to sign. I was signing and realizing that it’s so hard to start a relation from the beginning but it’s so easy to end it.
Even after completing all the formalities I believed strongly in my heart that (though people believe that a relation starts with a signature and ends with the same) I took Rumella as my wife when I proposed her quite before w e signed marriage certificates and no signature in paper can end it. It will take time to forget her. Actually I had developed a habit of her. And man requires quite a long time to change a habit.
Now comes the big blow for Rumella.
“Listen fellas, since you have completed the documentation, it’s apparent that you have filed the case for divorce. And according to the law you both have to stay together for one year till the hearing date is finalized. Then on the hearing date you both have to appear before the court. It’s up to you people that whether you want to go through the detailed legal procedure or solve matters mutually. I mean the financial settlements.”
“Oh! Yes, I mean I don’t want any money from him, I only want a separation”
There was so much hatred in her voice. I remembered the first time she said I love you. It was like the sweetest melody I was hearing and now. Anyways, why am I thinking all these. Everything was finished the day I told her that I regretted that she was my wife. I never saw her so weak and helpless in my whole life. She did not even complain neither did she want any explanation. I was stunned when she uttered the four words,
“Thank You for Everything”
It was so straight and simple but yet so sharp. It was so sharp that it pains still now after 6 months. At first Rumella was not willing to stay together but then the lawyer convinced her. We agreed to all terms and condition. Rumella left for her friend’s house to bring her belongings. She had been staying there for last six months. I returned to my 15, Palm Avenue, Apartment.
Initially I thought that I would try to start everything from beginning but now I realize that it’s of no use. If living at a distance can save our friendship then why lose a friend after losing my soul mate.
I don’t know why I was depressed. It was a mutual decision of taking a divorce. But still ………………I think it’s due to the hardships we shared together, the little enjoyment we had when she burnt the chapattis while cooking for the first time and why forget the first monsoon after our marriage. Rumella loves the rain. She got drenched in the rain and when entered the room she was looking like an angel. Some drops of water slowly and gently falling on her shoulders and some glistening on her eyes and lips. She was shivering in cold, but still with a naughty smile emphasizing her dimples. Her wet sari hugged her tight making her curves prominent. These things are very minute but add to our sweet memories that are to be cherished.
Anyways, life goes on, it does not wait for anybody. When people die we mourn for few days and then again life follows its natural course. It is the same for relationships also. I was thinking too much, but didn’t know what’s going on in Rumella’s mind. She might be very happy to get rid of a moron like me. She was very dynamic and diplomatic I must say. Though she had a tendency to be late but always had an explanation ready.
Since both of us worked so she decided to shift on a Sunday. We decided to have the breakfast together.
I woke up early in the morning and finished all the house hold works. Normally I didn’t do so but that time was different.
Its natural male instinct to prove them that they can live better in their absence, but unfortunately every time men fail to do so. Actually I believe both are complementary to each other.
Anyways I decided to prepare her favourite dish Alu ka paratha with curd and pineapple juice. I was expecting her around 11.30 a.m. because she usually gets up late on Sundays. Rumella reached home at sharp 11.15 a.m. I smiled to myself,
“I know you so much babes”
She walked around inside my apartment which was once ours and commented,
“You usually do not stayed so clean and tidy”
I did not understand why women always look for cleanliness. Did God give them the copyright of keeping the whole world clean? And just imagine, we met almost 6 months after and the first thing she notices is that the CLEANLINESS. These few over perfectionism irritated me a lot. Anyways, I offered her some juice. She exclaimed, “My God, juice in right glass. You remember initially you used to give me juice in steel glass or a cup perhaps. Tell me Nish any women in your life”
I smiled and ignored. I hated her for making a crap of my name Nilesh Sinha to NISH. Who gave her the right to devastate my name given by my grandmother? Anyways, I went to the kitchen and served the breakfast for two of us. She was happy to see the Alu paratha and curd. Since I am a doctor, I generally cook food with less oil and spices. And Rumella being health conscious loved every bite of the food.
“Nish which is my room”
I wanted to make her feel comfortable so I had already arranged the room which we used to share once. I showed her the master bed room. She seemed quite pleased with her room. I had an appointment with a friend so gave her a duplicate key and left at around 5.30 p. m. in the evening. Everything seemed so simple. She had been never so cooperative before. She was very nice to me. It will be better to say that she was very polite and understanding. By saying this I don’t mean that she was trying to save our relation. Rather there was so much formality suddenly that it was difficult to breathe. I could also sense that she was doing all these just to spend the 1 year some how and get rid of me. One day she suddenly became serious and asked me,
“What are your plans Nish?”
“Well I think I am quite satisfied with my private practice and wished to continue with it”
“No no I am asking about your personal life”
“Nothing till know, moreover is one experience enough?” I gave her a sarcastic smile and she did not appear much pleased.
“Opinion differs. Well I am seeing someone.”
At that moment only I realized that simply to give me this information she started the discussion. With another sarcastic smile I said,
“Oh! Who is the lucky man?” I thought who is again signing his 4 years bond.
“He is a Designer, Rangit Chawla. Has his own Ad Agency. We met in a conference”
“Congrats!!!!!!!”
It takes so little time to simply brush a relation and that too which was built from college. From beginning only I knew that a woman like Rumella is very careerist. Well it will be a lie if I say that I don’t like ambitious and working ladies. With due respect to them I must say that I am a little uncomfortable with over ambitious ladies who almost forgets giving importance to any dam thing other than her career. This might be due to the fact that I get satisfied with very little things and Rumella gets never satisfied. I simply used to laugh at people who used to say that they had nothing common with their partner. I did not understand that this ‘having a common thing’ is so important in life. And perhaps due my understanding I failed to retain my relation with Rubella.
Being a doctor I always believed in scientific explanation of every success or failure. I believed in taking risks to save a life. Unlike me, Rubella believes in her work for every success or failure and will take any risk to achieve her success. She never says no to any work in her field and believes she can do anything if she gets proper money. In one word Rubella very well understands the language of money. And in that aspect I am illiterate to her.
Next day I was leaving for my clinic, suddenly she rushed towards me and said the she had some cocktail party at office so she would late. I simply responded as if I had got her information and thus shall not wait. She had a duplicate key so there will be no problem. When I reached my clinic, I saw a huge crowd. I thought that I might have been late but my watch denied as it was sharp 8.30 a.m. I hurriedly called my assistance plus nurse, Catherine to bring the patients list and send the patients one by one. My life had become a small cyclic event. Home to clinic and again clinic to home. Always thinking of patients and their diseases. Besides the court case, everything at that moment appeared to be against my body, my soul and my mind. After a long thought process during lunch I realized that I had to take break, a long holiday perhaps. And suddenly something struck me. Since Rumella would be at house so I could easily go anywhere leaving the house. I thought once it has come into my head, I must do it as soon as possible.
It was 7.30 p.m. No one was waiting for me at home, so there was no hurry returning. I called Catherine, and started discussing with her. Catherine’s brother was a tour programmer so I wanted to take some idea from her.
She suggested me to visit Kurseong a subtle and serene hill station in West Bengal which is 57 kms from New Jalpaiguri railway station. Hearing the name only I thought of running way there. And thus planned to go there next week as soon as the tickets and hotel bookings are confirmed. I gave the whole responsibility to Catherine and her brother.
All were set. I was going to leave on Friday. Catherine planned a 5 days tour. I was excited and happy after long time.
Monday morning was started with a fresh mood since I was going for a vacation on Sunday. Rumella was about to sit on the breakfast table (we did the breakfast together everyday); suddenly she sat down with her hands on her temples. I rushed to her. Firstly my crooked mind suspected that she was pregnant and it must have been the contribution of Mr. Chawla. A sudden hatred ran through my blood. But above all I was a doctor and she was a patient. I checked her but was very happy to prove myself wrong. But on the second instance I realized she was unconscious.
I had already informed Catherine to reach my clinic and arrange the oxygen masks. We reached their within 15 mins. After the oxygen was given to her she recovered. I asked her whether she had gone through these kind of strokes before in the last 6 months.
“I don’t remember exactly but once after a conference I felt like this and they took me too a doctor and I was informed that I was suffering from some kind of stress.”
“What the hell!!!! Did I die? Why didn’t you inform me? I am still a good doctor dammed and your HUSBAND till the legal formalities are over. Is that clear!!!!”
I couldn’t realize what I was telling her, or tried to explain her. She stared at me amazed. When I have finished with my lectures, she gave a typical Rumella smile once again emphasizing her dimples.
“What happened to me? Or better what am I suffering from doc?”
“Listen I cannot confirm right now. But I have to send your blood for tests and a few scans are to performed. That’s it, and then I’ll tell you. Happy”
“Ok.”
Some strange ideas were coming to my mind. I did not have the guts to accept those ideas rather did not want to accept. I left the room and sat in my own resting room in my clinic. I had asked Catherine to cancel my trip. I couldn’t leave my wife like this alone. I meant my patient. I couldn’t believe that I was cheating myself for the first time. Finally my heart made me understand that still somewhere I had some soft feelings left for her so I couldn’t leave MY WIFE alone at this condition when she required the most.
Next morning we returned to our apartment. I sent her blood for few tests. At around evening I received the reports. I knew sometimes the reports are not perfect so I waited for the scan results.
I was convinced but I thought that it’s true, that even an expert a surgeon wouldn’t be confident to operate his own family member. Similarly I wanted to refer some other specialist. Only one name flashed in my mind, “Dr. ANURAG SENGUPTA”. He was my class mate but later went to America to research on Leukemia and I was left here has a general physician. Anyways I had to contact him. I enquired in Chittaranjan Hospital and got his contact number.
“Hello……….Dr.Anurag Basu, This is Dr. Nilesh Sinha. Remember me “
“Oye Nilesh, why these formalities. Call me Anurag. I heard that you have excelled in general medicine. Great job man. Anyways tell me why this sudden pleasant surprise?”
I hesitated, but then opened my mouth, “Actually …….I better talk straight to you.”
“Nilesh you hear a bit disturbed, let’s meet somewhere”
“Thanx, Anurag. Can we meet today?”
“Today………….ummm ok. Meet me at Basanta Cabin, College Street. Let’s recollect some old memories, at 5.30p.m.”
“Done. Anurag thanx a lot to give me time from your busy schedule.”
“No thanx and sorry in friendship”.
I was indeed relieved to have fixed the appointment with him.
I took all the reports and asked Catherine to take care of Rumella. I left for the final decision. Anurag has put on a lot of wait but the characteristic beard. We had the famous fish kabiraji there and then discussed a lot. At last Anurag retrieved that the all the reports revealed that Rumella was suffering from Leukemia. Hearing this I could not hear anything else. And Anurag realized this change in me and enquired,
“Nilesh who is this patient?”
I could not help the tears coming to my eyes still I had to stop it from falling,
“She is …….she is …..Ummm my wife”
“What?” exclaimed Anurag “See the first thing we have to do give her the proper medicines to lessen her pain then gradually we have to plan the treatment. Most important thing is that we have to induce blood transfusion twice in a month. But above all she requires lot of care and love.”
Everything was happening so fast that I could not realize anything. I simply asked one thing after a long silence,
“How much time she has?”
Anurag gave me a blank look and said, “Maximum 1 year”
I just couldn’t believe my ears. I thought what an irony of life. After one year we were supposed to sign the divorce papers but who knew that she couldn’t even wait one year.
I returned to my apartment. I was surprised to see Rumella screaming at Catherine.
“Hey, hey what happened? Why the hell are you screaming so much?”
“Catherine is not letting me go to my office”
I asked Catherine to leave because she was supposed to take care of Rumella when I am not at home. Catherine is a very good nurse and she had done her job perfectly.
“Rumella I will suggest you to take a leave from your office for sometime…….say 2 weeks”
“2 weeks are you out of your mind. They will fire me. I have loads of work to complete. And what sick? What has happened to me?”
How could I tell her the truth? People often waste their times on things which are less important to them than those on which they need to concentrate. Like Rumella, she is worried about her job, her carrier. But she does not even realize that she has very little time even to bid good bye to all friends. Anyways, when we entered this profession we were told that in majority of the cases if patients get to know about the severity of their health they may breakdown even more. It ‘s because if a patient fails to restore the idea “I WILL BE CURED SOON” then it becomes more difficult for the doctor to cure him / her. It’s the question of confidence and faith that a patient has on the doctor. I have lost almost every bit of faith, love and confidence which she had on me; but this time I didn’t want to lose this patient-doctor faith.
“Yeah, I can understand Rumella, but you have severe weakness. And being a doctor and a friend I can’t allow you to go to your office. I have internet connection you can log on to your office portal and carry on with your job.”
“But everything cannot be done through internet. O.k. Two weeks, that’s it, not more than that.”
I was glad that she listened to me. I knew after two weeks she would become so week that she herself would deny to go to office. I guessed that nothing could pass away faster than our honey moon period. But this WAITING PERIOD was faster. Every night when I bid Rumella good night, there was a terror that whether I would be able to say good morning. Two weeks passed away, she was becoming weaker and it was the time for her first blood transfusion. This time I had to tell her the truth else how could take her to the hospital. I called Dr. Anurag.
“Hello Anurag, It’s me Nilesh. Actually I was wandering how to convince her to go to the hospital.”
“Hmmmm…..So you haven’t told her.”
“No, I couldn’t I can’t”
“But , Nilesh you have to, else she wouldn’t come here for the transfusion and you will be responsible for her death.”
“Don’t say like that Anurag, It’s true that we are getting divorced but she is my wife still”
“WHAT!!!!! You people are getting divorced……..then why are you taking these responsibilities? Don’t be a hypocrite Nilesh. Do you really want a divorce?”
After along silence something slipped from my mouth, “SHE WANTS A DIVORCE”
“O.K. …………….Listen I’ll be waiting for you people at 11.00.a.m, is that fine?”
I hanged the phone and sat still for a while. I had to take so many decisions, but there’s no time. I went to her room. She was sleeping so calmly. The medicines had shown their reactions. She had lost weight, she had become pale. Almost merged with the pale bed sheet. There were dark circles below her eyes but the brownish curls were still there. I took two seconds to imagine Rumella after the first Chemotherapy. She would start losing her curls one by one. It would be so pathetic for me to see her getting closer to her death in every second. AFTER ALL SHE IS MY WIFE. Every time I thought about her pain and degradation, one thing rovered in my mind “AFTER ALL SHE IS MY WIFE”.
I was thinking all these standing at the corner of the room. Suddenly she groaned in pain. I ran towards her.
“What happened Rume? Is it paining? Where it is paining? Nothing will happen, you believe me na?”
Suddenly I saw two drops of pearl glistening in the corners of her eyes.
“Yeah Ni…………….”
For the first time I wanted to hear that transformed cropped name by which she called me.
“Why didn’t u tell me all this…….ha?”
“WHAT?” I was death scared of the next statement she was about to say.
“I told you before, Beware of these parallel connections. But you never listened to me. And now you see, I heard you when you were talking to Dr. Anurag.”
I was at her bed side. I burst into tears and hid my head in her lap.
“You were right Rume, I am simply a shit. If I cannot cure my wife what kind of doctor I am. I am a failure Rume, I big failure. You were always right that I am never a successful doctor neither a successful husband. Forgive me Rume forgive me.”
This happened so fast that she couldn’t react. She slowly moved her hands through my hair.
“Listen I also have confess something, I told you a crap about that Rangit Chawla so that you would give me a divorce quickly.”
“Why are you telling this to me, now?”
Both of us could feel a different thing which was lost. A real affection and need for each other. It’s not a sexual need, but a need of being together. But both were realizing that more the time we are taking to decide, lesser are the time remaining. Another Irony of life………When we couldn’t stay together, we thought as if the clock was not moving at all. And now, when we want to leave together……………we are short of time……….we are not able to keep pace with the clock.
I convinced her that from now on nothing will happen to her and I’ll take care of her. We went to the Hospital. Anurag was a reputed doctor so we did not have to wait. After the transfusion she was feeling better. But Anurag had warned me that this feeling better is transitory so I must not allow her to excite herself and get tired. I took her back home. We were happy. I gave the responsibility of the clinic to Catherine. And sometimes visited it. At this moment Rumella was my first priority. I lost her once but not this time. Like this way almost 7 months were over. Rumella had resigned due to her health ground. She had lost almost 20 kgs of her body weight. She had lost all her hair so I had bought her beautiful scarves to tie her head. She becomes very weak if she talks even for 10 mins at a stretch. But still we communicate with each other with our eyes, our hands and our fingers. Within 6 months we learnt the language of fingers.
It was the end of the 8th month; I was supposed to take her for the last Chemotherapy. Suddenly I heard a bang in the bathroom. I rushed towards it and was mentally prepared to face the worst. I saw Rumella lying on the floor. I quickly called up ambulance and rushed to the hospital. I had informed Anurag on the road so he had arranged everything beforehand. He said that Chemotherapy cannot be undertaken as she had some bruises. But she was sinking. I pleaded to proceed on with the Chemotherapy. He cleared from the beginning that it would be highly risky and I had to sign some papers.
Finally the Chemotherapy was over. She was feeling better , I thanked Anurag. But he said that,
“Do not thank me…………….she is almost breathing her last breath”
I stared at him once and then at Rumella. She knew about it. She was smiling at me. But I was scared, feeling suddenly abandoned and standing in front of a wall which neither can I climb nor break it down. I was helpless. I ran to her, sat on the floor beside her bed and kept on staring at her. I realized that this is the woman whom I love so much that I can give my life for her but I am in such a condition that my life won’t be able to give her a life. I felt so small that I was not able to do anything for her. I gazed and could not believe my heart that from tomorrow I will not be able to see these two eyes open, close, scream at me , complain me , laugh at me………………………….I was thinking all these and suddenly saw her two lips move. I took my ears as close as possible, the first thing she said was………………….
“Nish , see I don’t feel any pain. You cured me doc…” and tears rolled down her pale chick.
“I………..Rume”
“No you listen to me Nish……..I don’t want a divorce, do not give me divorce please”
“Divorce? What divorce? Do not ever utter that word again” I grabbed her. And cried like a baby.
“Don’t leave me Rume, I’ll do whatever you tell me, I’ll leave my clinic. I’ll do some business and bring a lot of money. You will never be ashamed of me Rume. But please don’t leave me alone. I’ll not be able to stay there alone………………………”
Suddenly I felt that the weak arms which were still holding me dropped. I felt as if somebody has left me in a quick sand and I am drowning slowly but steadily.
After two weeks two curiors came, one addressed to
TO
MR.NILESH SINHA
15, Palm Avenue
Kolkata – 700019
And other one
TO
MRS. RUMELLA SINHA (LAHIRY)
15, Palm Avenue
Kolkata – 700019
From the envelope only I understood that what it was. I didn’t bother to open it I simply burnt the two envelope. When the person is not alive then nothing matters. Only that matters is before Rumella left me she was satisfied with the fact that we have quitted the matter of divorce.
*******************************************************************************************
My fingers were exhausted including my head. It had 4 years. But it appears as if it happened yesterday. I have left my clinic. I have given it to Catherine. She runs it as a small dispensary. Even now when the bell rings, I expect Rumella to come running and again showering her complains. The complains, the lectures on cleanliness which I was tired once; now I miss every bit of it.
Anurag encouraged me of writing. I had been writing for 3 years. I have also published them which have brought me enough to lead a peaceful proper life. Now I am sitting here writing about my wife. A strong , independent, confident and more over highly corporate minded person. But still had a heart of a girl in complaining against everything. She was the girl who came in my life as a girl, transformed herself as a woman and finally left me alone forever.
I claimed of knowing her but the reality was she knew me more. She always said I must do something different, something creative from college but I never listened to her. It will be a lie if I say that I did not enjoy medicine but still I was not satisfied. But after I get to writing my whole soul was pleased. Not only in terms of money but it also gave me fame and appreciation which I never expected in medicine.
I don’t know about Rumella but as far as I am concerned I had some ego. I only regret that if and only if I could ignore this ego factor, then perhaps if I couldn’t stop Rumella from facing her early death but definitely the six months could have been better. And perhaps I wouldn’t have to face this waiting period to meet Rumella again to start everything from the beginning…………………..perhaps in our next life.
